Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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