My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
