But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
