Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
