He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
