Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
