If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
