Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
