I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
