Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
