Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
