Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
