im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
