Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
