The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize