Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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