Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
