dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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