Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
