When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
