does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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