I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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