I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
