I heard we made out
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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