I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
