So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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