I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
