Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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