there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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