When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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