New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
