Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
