If that was your dad, he is hot
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
