morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
