im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
