I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
