im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
