I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
