Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
