I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
