So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
