I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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