My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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