i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
