Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
