My underwear smells like fireworks.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
