i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
