Say something about gay babies.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize