if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dignity is for republicans.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize