piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
