Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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