Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
