party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
