a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
