A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize