tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
