Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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