her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
