I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
