my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
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