Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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