So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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