please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
