I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
